A panda bear walks into a pub and asks the landlord for some bamboo. The landlord, although a little stunned, cuts some stalks from a bamboo plant he happens to have in this conservatory and gives them to the bear – which the bear eats. After which he pulls a gun and kills a few customers, then he just walks out. The landlord jumps over the bar and rushes out after the bear. He quickly catches up to him. “Why the hell did you do that?” he shouts, to which the bear answers calmly “It’s just in my nature.” and hands the landlord a dictionary before walking into the woods. The landlord flips to the entry for panda which says “Large bear that eats bamboo, shoots and leaves.”

OK, this is more of a groaner than a side splitter, but it does help to show the importance of context and grammar.

Here is another golden oldie; but still a funny one liner

The other day I went to the local bookshop to buy a dictionary. The assistant showed me a really cheap one. I couldn’t find the words to thank him.

Now for a few that Groucho himself might be proud of

Mary had a little lamb… and then she had some dessert.

Ice Water? Get some Onions – that’ll make your eyes water!

Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.

Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Groucho was a master of wordplay, and few people have matched the hilarity of the Marx brother’s movies, still watchable and funny after almost 80 years.  After that long most people would be corpsing.

Two nuns are in the bath.  One says “Where’s the soap” and the other replies “Yes, it does, doesn’t it”.

English smut at it’s best.  Nuns, naked, bathing together, with an oblique reference to something sexual, although on the face of it this joke is not at all rude.  It’s just a play on the word “wear”, but as people search for the joke they find the lewdness first and that helps them get it.  But of course washing your legs (or whatever) also wears out the soap.

This double meaning  is a staple of the Marx brothers humour, although often without the sexual overtones, thus

“Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.  Inside of a dog it is too dark to read”.

which works pretty well on the page, but much better as a one liner.

Of course the written word also allows the odd joke that doesn’t work when spoken out loud, for example, the funny techy joke you often see in peoples signatures on forums:

There are only 10 types of people in the world – those that understand binary and those that do not.

Not perhaps, side-splitting stuff, but funny on the page.